It's been almost a month and a half since I've last written.....I haven't felt brave lately.
I've been hiding. Not wanting to offer anything, because of the fear that what I offer isn't enough.
We're in a new enviorment, we're the new kid on the block, and it's made me measure myself and my abilities.
And I've decided that I don't measure up to this huge campus full of amazing missionaries.
That's the first time I've said that, admitted it to myself, but I know that's why I've been hiding.
It's crazy how we can feel something so deeply sometimes and not even know that we are carrying this huge weight around; a yoke that doesn't belong on our shoulders.
I've been carrying this yoke of wanting to be accepted in a new place and at the same time afraid that I have nothing to offer.
So then an inner fear or hiding comes telling me I'm not good enough, talented enough, smart enough, or spiritual enough to belong. It tells me I should bury what I have so no one can see, so no one can reject me.
I have been so blessed by this community and I know that this is exactly where we are supposed to be, but to be a part of this place and to thrive I need to shed some lies.
To lay down this heavy yoke and pick up the truth.
The truth being that I am enough! I am good enough, talented enough, smart enough, and more spiritual than I'll ever know this side of heaven.
I have to pick up the truth that my value is only based on my Daddy God's opinion.
We're moving again.....into a very nice place here on base and do you know what I'm feeling about moving into this very nice place.....I don't deserve it.......I haven't earned it......who am I to live in this beautiful apartment....
A word that God spoke over me when I went to the Brave conference in April and then again a couple weeks ago through a sister was the verses in Song of Songs 2:10-13 that says
"Arise my darling, my beautiful one and come with me. See! The winter has past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms it's early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.
Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me."
For me this is about my identity. This is about who I am.
God has been asking me to lay down this yoke of lies and to walk into this new place of my true identity.
My old identity is gone, the winter is past; the rains are over and gone. My new identity has come: Flowers appear on the earth.
So I don't just think that this is just for me, but for all of you that have struggled with your identity.
Your Daddy sees you. He wants to take off the heavy burden that you've put on yourself to be enough or maybe that others have put on you.
He is calling you to come with him and see as he see's. To walk into a new place armed with the truth of who he says you are, his darling; his beautiful one.
I know that this is a season of me walking in a new level of truth I haven't known before and I know that he's empowering me and he wants to empower you, his darling, his beautiful one.
Lets together say yes to that truth and lay down our yoke of lies.
I hope you have a Merry Christmas filled up with truth and your true identity.