I'm sitting here in my jammies and there are things I should be doing. Like going to the store to buy groceries or cleaning my very messy house.
I'm choosing not to do those things right now though because I have this thing on my heart and it's important.
Today my heart is overflowing with the goodness of God! That is part out of the kindness that he has lavished on me, but part of that is out of what I don't yet see, but claim in faith.
We had a night of women's ministry here last night.
It was amazing.
One of the things that was talked about was how Satan comes after our hearts. The biggest way that he does that is laying a foundation of lies; little lies that go mostly unnoticed, but unchecked become giants.
Well one of my giant lies that I've listened to for years is "You're not capable".
This lie has come in many different forms sounding like "You could never do that!" "You're not smart." "You're not good enough." "So and so could do that so much better than you." And on and on it goes.
I can write all those things and see so clearly that they are lies, I know in my head what the truth is, but the enemy hasn't come against my mind; he's been coming for my heart.
Well for a couple years now I've been interested in midwifery and doula-ing....is there a real word for that? Doula-ing is gonna have to work for now. Please just smile and nod when I use this word.
I've struggled though with feeling that even though I would love to do those things I'm just not the right person for the job. I don't have the certain personality type that makes a good midwife or doula.
One of the things that was talked about at our woman's time was the things that we feel disqualify us from pursuing our dreams.
I've convinced myself that I'm disqualified because I'm not capable, because of my personality and because "I just don't have what it takes." Those are the lies I've bought into.
The truth is that midwifery and being a doula are in my HEART to do. It's a dream and here's where God's goodness come into play; there is doula training here next month.
"God you're funny!"
I had no idea that they did anything of the sort here, but God's giving me an opportunity to step out and say "Satan you're a liar!" "I am capable!" "I can be the PERFECT person to help people in this way!" " I CAN do this!"
My Daddy SEES. He sees my heart and he satisfies my desires with GOOD things.
I would rather hide in a hole than do this doula training, but in his LOVE and CARE he is not content to leave my heart tangled in the lies. He calls me out. He's giving me an opportunity to step into the light and say "THIS IS WHO I AM!"
Honestly though, it's out of our reach financially. I don't say that in any way to get money from you, truthfully I don't, please don't feel any guilt to give. I only say that because I really believe that God wants me to do this training and I really believe by faith that he is going to completely cover the cost.
This is HIS goodness. If he asks me to do something that I can't afford it's his job to pay.
I am not a doula or a midwife, but what I am is CAPABLE IN HIM!
So some of the questions posed to us last night were: What fears do I need to face? What does it look like for me to come alive? What things are lying dormant in my heart? What are the lies that are holding you back?
I pose these questions to you because I know I'm not the only person who struggles with lies. I also know that God cares just as deeply about you coming fully alive as he does me. He is for us and he wants to see our deepest heart dreams come true. So I want to challenge you to take a minute and ask yourself these questions. You might be surprised what you find.
I'm believing for break through and freedom for me and for you to walk fully in who God has created us to be!