Saturday, February 27, 2016

Through the Muck and Mire

I've been pursuing healing.

I've known for many years that I needed to do this. 

When God brought us back from China one of the things he said to me was that it was going to be a time of healing. 

The thought of healing felt overwhelming and vague. 

I think the biggest thing I felt was "who can I trust with this?" 

There's a million counselors out there and a million different methods and thoughts on how it should be done. It felt so overwhelming. 

Thankfully this was something that God said was going to happen, so he was more concerned about making it happen than I was. 

Our first week in Colorado Springs we met an amazing couple that invited us to their church. We went and fell in love. Then there was a women's bible study I went to. I met a beautiful blonde there that said she wanted to hang out. While we were hanging out she shared about healing that she had found through the amazing woman that ran the bible study. 

Some people like to call these things coincidence. I call them divine intervention.

Another thing I had worried about was how I was going to afford this healing that I needed. Well as it turns out with this woman you paid what you could afford. 

It seemed clear that God was trying to show me something. 

It's funny though how much courage it takes to bite the bullet of healing. It took me about four months after knowing this information to make an appointment.

I think the hardest thing about walking towards healing is the fear that the pain will never go away. Wondering if it's all a waste to believe that the dead things inside of me could ever come back to life again.  

I don't need to go into details of what I've walked through. Most of us have walked through a lot of unbelievable things. Some of these things came from the choices that others made and some came from our own choices, but we've been hurt. And it turns out that the pain has become our norm. It's become like a heavy blanket wrapped around our shoulders. We've become used to the comfort of it, even if it hurts, it's familiar. 

It's not easy writing these things. It's a present vulnerability. I'm sure a lot of people would argue that it's way too personal to put out there for the whole world to know. That I'm oversharing. And maybe I am. 

But I think what I really want is for people to see YOU'RE NOT ALONE. Whatever personal struggle you are battling. We're all there. We're all trying to find our way through the muck and mire . 

This phrase is so profound for me because a couple Sundays ago I was at Church trying my best to worship when God gave me such a clear picture of him carrying me through a swamp, or in other words carrying me through the muck and mire.

 The verse that God has been speaking to me day and night is Exodus 14:14 "The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

I recently had a beautiful woman pray over me and the word she got for me was Fighter. I'm a fighter. I am not good at letting others fight for me, I'm not good at letting God fight for me. 

But I believe that is his very intention - to fight for me. To fight for my freedom, to fight for my joy, to fight for my destiny. 

Regardless of my feelings I believe that he will carry me through this swamp. He won't get tired and set me down half way through. 

Phil. 1:6 
"And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his good work until it is finally finished on the day that Christ Jesus returns. 

So if you're on a similar journey, stop and ask him to pick you up and carry you through your own muck and mire. 

He will fight for you.  

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