I shared this week about the journey I am on to find emotional healing, but I am also pursuing physical healing.
It's hard for me to share that because I always compare my pain to others and often disqualify myself. I feel like I'm whining when I see people suffering from cancer or other debilitating illnesses.
Here's the thing though, life was NEVER meant to be compared!
God does not compare our journey to others. Our pain, our struggles, our dreams and visions; they are all our own. Each thing unique.
So I'm sharing from a place that is MY journey. Not to be compared.
I've struggled with joint problems since I became a CNA (certified nurses assistant) out of high school. I injured my shoulder lifting a man wrong. It was a significant injury that required physical therapy.
Well being the intelligent teenager I was, I stopped the PT after about a month. My shoulder has bothered me ever since.
Well after my second pregnancy I started running. I loved it! I was training for a half marathon in China with my sister-in-law when I tripped and fell and injured my knee.
It seemed like scrapes and bruises until I tried to run again.
No luck. It caused me too much pain.
I haven't been able to run since that fall.
Well my hips always bothered me when I ran, but when you run or exercise pain is kinda part of the gig, so I thought no big deal.
After we came back from China I started to have really bad hip pain on one side. It sucked to be in such constant pain.
We were in transition though and I didn't want to go to the effort of finding a doctor and then move and have to start all over again. So I waited.
When we got to the Springs I had to figure out what direction to go with my hip and getting the pain under control. I considered different options and talked to different people and finally decided to try the chiropractor.
The chiropractors I ended up going to did x-rays.
What they found was that my hips were 16mm. seperated. Meaning one was lower than the other and they were also tilting in different directions.
They gave me a game plan. I needed to wear a heel lift and I needed 6 months to a year of seeing them to try to correct this problem with my hips.
These chiropractors are Christians. Three amazing men that love Jesus. I love them and all the staff that work at this office, they are all wonderful people.
But I've been seeing them for 5 months and I haven't seen much of a difference in my pain.
Today I sat down with my Dr. and had a frank conversation. It went like this "This isn't working!"
He heard me out and was so kind and concerned telling me that this is not normal and that they want to do whatever they can to make this better. He took another x-ray. He told me that I probably have tendonitis or bursitis and that they're gonna figure out a different plan to help me get better.
Well I left feeling hopeful, but really at the same time I feel soo discouraged.
There is nothing like your body not working or causing you pain to make you turn to God and say "Really?" "Why?" or "Why don't you just fix this?!"
It's hard, frustrating and challenging to trust God when healing doesn't seem to be coming.
I'm 32 years old and a lot of times I feel like my body acts more like it's 80.
I don't know where this ends or if it ever ends outside of Heaven, but it's doing a good job of revealing my heart.
I'm sick of being in pain. It leaves me feeling so discouraged.
But I have to ask myself, does my Daddy care about me? Does he see me? Does he know me?
And sometimes I feel like the answer is NO. No he doesn't care, no he doesn't see, no he doesn't know, but those feelings are all big, fat, ugly lies.
The truth is that he hasn't left me. He does care, he does know, he does see.
And even though this may be a very small problem compared to the pain that many other people feel, he doesn't compare me or my pain to anyone else.
He sees me, he knows me and he cares and regardless of what the future holds he'll never leave me.
If you're the praying type, I would so appreciate any prayers that you send my way regarding this hip of mine.