The Feast of Plenty

Our last couple years in China I longed for America. I missed my family and my culture. I missed grocery stores and Target. I missed blending in and having a car. Really the list could go on and it did, in my head, all the time. I felt like once Lily was adopted and we were in the States our life would be grand.

 
And now I'm here and I feel all the joy one person could feel in this world......or not.

Truth be told I've struggled to find joy since being home. All the pleasures of America at my fingertips and yet I'm not satisfied. I've questioned God's goodness which is ironic since he's given me everything I've wanted.

But most of the time it feels like it's just not enough, I need more. My needs as a person never end and that is just reality even if I'm the most grateful person on earth I will always be in need of something.

I read once that we're like leaky jars, we get filled up, but then we're empty by the morning. It's always the thing we don't have that we think will satisfy us, isn't it? For me it was America and now I have it, but it leaves me feeling empty.

This is life. It's part of our human condition. Choosing thankfulness always makes things better, but there is still struggle, even in that. Sometimes it takes everything in me to think just one thankful thought.

So where is God in all of this? He must be so disappointed in my failure to be thankful; to be satisfied. My head is full of thoughts like "Why can't I just be happy with all that he has given me, why do I always need more?" I try to convince myself to be better.

But last night I felt him speak something to me. He said "I invite you to my feast of plenty". In one moment my heart issue is revealed. Scarcity. It's kinda like the inner Heather has been called out as a hoarder. I'm looking at life with eyes of scarcity rather than ABUNDANCE!! Isn't that a beautiful word, abundance.

2 Corinthians 9:8 " And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things, at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

If I believed this, if I truly knew the feast of plenty that he has prepared for me, I wouldn't be looking for the next thing to bring me happiness. I would know that all of my needs are provided for right here and now.

I'm asking God to change my heart and to give me eyes to see the abundance he has set before me.